[Monica’s apartment, everyone except for Rachel are there]
Monica: So, Joey, you are gonna get the concert tickets for Rachel’s birthday.
Joey: OK.
Monica: Ross, you will pick up the cake.
Ross: OK.
Monica: Chandler, you are gonna do the invitations, and I’m gonna clean. Phoebe, you…um…
Phoebe: Yes?
Monica: You…um , do…the…, I mean,…mean you--
Phoebe: OK, menu.
Monica: WHAT? I’m in charge of the menu!!
Phoebe: But you just said “menu”.
Monica: No way. I’m a chef! I will make the food.
Phoebe: What am I gonna make then?
Monica: You, ….um, …ehhh….
Phoebe: All right, I’ll do the menu.
Monica: Noooooo!!!
Phoebe: What? Am I not good enough for the food?
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Then let me do the menu!
Monica: No!
Phoebe: So I’m not good enough.
Monica: No!
Phoebe: This game is getting really boring. [pause]
Chandler: Phoebe could arrange the decoration!
Monica: [painfully] Ehhh…
Phoebe: I can’t believe it! YOU want to do the decoration too?
Monica: Sorry, Pheebs, the reason is…um, cups and ice. Remember last time?
Phoebe: But the people enjoyed it!
Monica: OK, here’s an idea. Phoebe, you could get the tickets, and Joey will decorate with me.
Phoebe: Well…fine.
Joey: [excited]I’m gonna decorate! I already have a motto in mind: “Sandwich World”!!
-Opening credits-
[Central Perk, Chandler and Joey are there]
Chandler: [to Gunther] Can you come to Rachel’s birthday party next Saturday night?
Gunther: [gets wide eyes] Oh…oh…my…God…
Chandler: [indifferently] So that means yes. [writes something down, goes over to the couch]
Joey: Hey, Chandler! Check this out! [hands Chandler a small book]
Chandler: Joey and a book in the same room!?
Joey: Look, it’s a dictionary. A joke dictionary. [grins]
Chandler: [surprised] It’s English-Chinese.
Joey: [excited] Yeah! Listen, Ross has this new Chinese girlfriend…
Chandler: Julie?
Joey: No! Another one, her name’s [mumbles something]. OK, I realised I forgot it.
Chandler: [sarcastically] Oh, right, I forgot there are 1.3 billion of’em.
Joey: Actually, she doesn’t speak very much English.
Chandler: How do they communicate?
Joey: I don’t know! Look, they’re coming.
[Ross and a Chinese girl enters]
Ross: Hi! Look, this is-- [looks helplessly over to the girl]
Wu Wei Yu: Wu Wei Yu.
Ross: OK! You have to think backwards, „Wu“ is her last name, and „Wei Yu“ is her first name.
Joey: [to Wei Yu] York New in welcome!!
Ross: I don’t think she can understand you like this.
Joey: Ok, then: In welcome New York?
Wei Yu: Thanks.
Joey: [happily] Hey, she got it!
Ross: She does speak a little bit of English, but just a little…
Chandler: Hi Wei Yu! Does the name mean anything?
[Wei Yu looks at Ross]
Ross: Yes, it means “gentle rain”.
Chandler: That’s nice.
Joey: [laughs] Who would name a kid that?
Ross: Actually, we just wanted to grab a coffee and then we have to go.
Joey: Wait! Here, I think this will help you guys. [gives Ross the dictionary]
Ross: Thanks, but I already got one…
Joey: JUST TAKE IT!
Ross: OK! [to Wei Yu] That’s OK, Joey’s a little weird. Um, weird…[looks it up] …”fei”
{fat}
[Wei Yu looks distracted, they go over to Gunther]
Ross: Hi Gunther, two coffees to go—[sees Gunther having a dreamy grin over his face, he’s not moving at all] [to Chandler and Joey] Has he been moving for the last five minutes?
[Monica’s apartment, Monica, Chandler and Joey are there, the place is prepared for the party, about a dozen other people are there, Gunther is among them]
[Ross enters with Wei Yu and a cake box]
All: SURPRISE!!!
[Ross almost drops the box]
Ross: [desperate] Why EVERY year!?
Monica: Sorry, we thought you were Rachel.
Ross: Where’s Phoebe?
Phoebe: [behind Ross] Phoebe’s here!
[Ross almost drops the box again]
Chandler: Great! So, show us the tickets, which row are we sitting?
Phoebe: [confused] Why? [realising something] Oh, holy mother of God.
Monica: [Upset] You forgot the tickets!?
Phoebe: Kind of.
Monica: Oh my…
Phoebe: Look, I’m sorry, OK? But you should have let me do the menu!
Joey: What are we gonna do now?
Phoebe: So what? The she gets the tickets tomorrow, big deal!
Monica: So what? This morning I told her “Prepare yourself for the giant surprise!”
Joey: Who says the giant surprise has to be good? It can be bad as well! Ross, come on, smash the cake.
Ross: No!
Wei Yu: [to Ross]What go on?
Ross: Oh, just a little problem! [looks around] Oh no! I forgot my dictionary. [grabs in his pocket] Oh, there’s Joey’s dictionary. All right, “We have a little problem”…[to Wei Yu] “Wo sheng shang quan shi pao pao. “
{I have bubbles all over my body}
Wei Yu: Oh! You take the shower?
Ross: [confused] Um…yes, every day.
Chandler: It’s not that bad. This year we even have a cake that hasn’t been smashed! [Ross looks angry]
Monica: That’s not the point! The point is that Phoebe ruined the surprise.
Phoebe: I told you, I’m sorry! But it all wouldn’t have happened if you would have let me organise the decoration and Joey would have got the tickets! [Monica and Phoebe look at Joey]
Joey: What?
Monica:[to Phoebe] Wouldn’t have worked that way either.
Phoebe: See?
Monica: Fine! I understand, things like this happen, you didn’t do it on purpose.
Phoebe: Right.
Monica: [upset] But eventually everyone is blaming me! I’m the organised one. If something goes wrong, everyone thinks I should have avoided it. As if I was responsible for you guys.
Chandler: I wanna say this in the sweetest way possible…you chose to be the responsible one.
Monica: I did?
Joey: Yeah! You know, you like having the power, you understand? It’s your character, it’s not your fault.
Monica: I can’t believe it…you’re…you’re right! Remember? I was the one who decided who does what. I’m the one whose apartment is the place where the partys are. I’m even the one who decided who to invite and when the party is…I’m a control freak!
Joey: [smiles] No, you’re not a control freak, Mon. You’re a total control freak.
Wei Yu: [to Ross] Control freak?
Ross: Let me look it up [looks it up] Here. “ci wei”
{hedgehog}
Wei Yu: [confused] What?
Ross: Monica is a “ci wei”, you know?
Wei Yu: Um…[grabs the dictionary and looks something up] “Wanna come to me, my cuddle bear?”
Ross:[surprised] What?
Wei Yu: Um…[looks up something else] “Hold my cookie?”
Ross: Again: What?
Wei Yu: Hold my cookie.
Ross: [confused] Uh, you don’t have a cookie.
Wei Yu: You don’t understand? Hold my cuddle bear!
[cut to Joey and Chandler]
Joey: [amused, to Chandler] It works!
Chandler: It’s quite amusing, but…don’t you think you’re destroying their good mood?
Joey: [laughing] It’s too funny to feel sorry for them. [looks at Ross and Wei Yu]
[cut to Ross and Wei Yu]
Ross: [to Wei Yu] And when Rachel enters, you scream “surprise!” It means…[looks it up] “niu wa”
{ox frog}
Wei Yu: All right. “Niu wa”, then.
Ross: [relieved] Right. [to himself] Oh thank God she got it.
[Cut to Monica]
Monica: Oh my God, I’m a control freak. Phoebe!
Phoebe: Yeah?
Monica: Phoebe, you gotta help me. Prevent me from being a control freak. If you notice anything control-freaky at me, stop me immediately. Can you do that?
Phoebe: OK, I’ll do it. Because I’m really sorry, I have to make it up to you.
Monica: All right, thanks.
[Rachel enters]
All: Surprise!!!!
Rachel: [excited] Oh, you guys! Oh, I can’t believe it, thank you guys!
Phoebe: Happy birthday Rach. [hugs her]
Monica: Happy birthday. [hugs her]
[Chandler, Joey and Ross all hug Rachel]
Wei Yu: Happy birthday! [hugs Rachel]
Rachel: Oh, thank you! [to Ross] Who’s this?
Ross: Oh! Well, this is Wei Yu, she’s Chinese. I met her in the Met. She doesn’t speak much English, but I’m hoping we’ll get a little closer tonight, you know.
Rachel: OK, no details please!
Gunther: [to Rachel]Hap—
Rachel: [didn’t notice Gunther] Oh my God, look at all these…, um, wonderful sandwich signs! Who did those? …Don’t tell me, I already know!
Joey: I did them!
Rachel: Oh really. [looks over to the cake box] Is that a cake? [opens the box] It hasn’t been smashed! How did you do that, Ross?
[Ross looks angry]
[Cut to Joey]
Joey: [to Monica] Ross has a joke dictionary, and he completely fell for that. Watch.
Monica: [looks at Ross and Wei Yu] I don’t think you should be doing this to him. He told me things look good that they got together.
Joey: But it’s fun!!
Monica: No, I told you so! It’s very mean, now you go over there and take the dictionary from Ross.
Phoebe: [heard Monica]AAAAAHHHHH!!! [pushes Monica away from Joey]
Monica: WHAT!?
Phoebe: You did it again.
Monica: What!?
Phoebe: You’re being a control freak again. I had to stop you. [to Joey]Hey, Joey, forget what Mon just said, she didn’t mean that. OK?
Joey: OK.
Monica: But—
Phoebe: No, Monica! You have to quit it! I know it’s hard, and you know what? I’ve been through this, too. When I first lived in an apartment with real walls, I first had to learn not to stab everyone who passed my way. I had to get used to not living in the street anymore.
Chandler: [to Monica] What’s up?
Monica: [loudly, to Chandler] I’m not being a control freak!!!
Chandler: [confused] What did I just ask?
[cut to Rachel, Ross and Wei Yu]
Rachel: [talking to Wei Yu]…and I work for Ralph Lauren, you know him? [Wei Yu nods] And I used to go out with Ross, but that’s over, because he cheated on me. [Ross looks angry]
Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!
Wei Yu: Cheated on you? What does that mean?
Rachel: Wait a minute [takes the dictionary and looks something up]
Ross: No! [hits Rachel on the arm]
Rachel: Ow! Ok…I found it: “Ross zhen shi yi ge hao ren.”
{Ross is a very great guy.}
Wei Yu: Oh, that’s so great! I think so too. [hugs Ross, who is very confused, Rachel’s confused too]
Rachel: [disappointed] Oh, get a room…[walks away]
[cut to Gunther and Rachel]
Gunther: [to Rachel] Hey! Um, Rachel…
Rachel: [happily]Oh hi Gunther, you came too?
Gunther: Yeah. Um…I really like your dress.
Rachel: [smiling] Thanks a lot, you’re so sweet!
Gunther: [excited] Oh yeah?
Rachel: [still smiling]Yes! [claps Gunther on the back and leaves]
Gunther: [to himself, very happily] She thinks I’m sweet!…And she touched me!!
[Cut to Chandler, Phoebe and Monica]
Monica: But the joke dictionary is so mean!
Phoebe: What joke dictionary?
Chandler: Well, Joey gave Ross this English-Chinese dictionary that says complete different things than you wanna know.
Monica: [shocked] You KNEW that? Why didn’t you tell him not to give it to him?
Chandler: I, um…
Monica: Shame on you! Now tell Joey to take the book away from Ross, unless you want him to end up alone!
Phoebe: See, Monica? You’re being a control freak again and again. [to Chandler] Chandler, don’t do what Monica said to you!
Chandler: But Monica’s right! Ross really likes Wei Yu and if he says something wrong—
Phoebe: [loudly]No, Chandler! Oh Monica, see what you’ve done? You infected Chandler with your stupid opinion! You hired me as your personal being-control-freaky-preventer! It’s my job not to let anyone do what you tell them!
Monica: OK, I’ll take the dictionary away from Ross by myself.
Phoebe: Nooooo! You can’t do that, control freak!!
Monica: Why? My brother’s future depends on that! I bet he wants to marry her someday.
Phoebe: So what? It’ll end up in a dovorce anyway.
Chandler: Calm down. I will take the book from Ross.
Phoebe: No, Chandler, you can’t! Actually, you don’t wanna take the dictionary away from Ross, it’s just because Monica told you so. So don’t do that.
Chandler: But I’m pretty sure I want to.
Phoebe: No, you don’t!
Chandler: ….Alright. But it’s your fault then. You know how much Ross loves marriages.
Monica: OK! But if Ross finds out and asks, I will tell him to blame YOU!! [leaves]
Chandler: What are you doing, Pheebs? I really think Monica is right.
Phoebe: I’m feeling very guilty about the tickets and I take this job very serious. Actually, I understand Monica. [Chandler looks shocked]
[Cut to Gunther who is talking to Ross and Wei Yu]
Gunther:….I don’t know why I feel this, but sometimes I really think that no one notices me or listenes to me…
Ross: [smiles at Wei Yu, then turns his head to Gunther] I’m sorry, did you say something? I didn’t listen. [Gunther looks sad and leaves]
[Cut to Rachel and Monica]
Rachel: Mon?
Monica: Yeah?
Rachel: Thanks for the great party!
Monica: You’re welcome! So does that mean you’re glad I organised this?
Rachel: [confused] Why not?
Monica: [grins] So, anything new, Rachel?
Rachel: Actually…when I see Ross and this Wa Lei—
Monica: Wei Yu!
Rachel: Whatever…When I see them, I have to say, I feel a little jealous, cause I don’t have anyone…
Monica: Oh! Oh, they aren’t together yet, but…[looks over to Ross and Wei Yu, who seem to be having communication troubles again] [sarcastically] it can happen anytime.
Rachel: I don’t wanna be alone anymore!
Monica: Why don’t you look around? There are a few nice guys in here!
Rachel: I know…
Monica: Look. There’s James. [points at a guy] He’s kinda cute, don’t you think?
Rachel: ….yeah.
Monica: Why don’t you think about asking him out? …[loudly]OK, now it’s time for “Tell a secret”!! [leaves]
[Cut to Chandler and Joey]
Chandler: Hey, about that dictionary…
Joey: [amused] It’s fun, right?
Chandler: Actually, Ross is hoping that he and Wei Yu could---[sees Phoebe who is watching Chandler talking to Joey]
Phoebe: [strictly] …could what?
Chandler: Could…jump out the window…oh wait…that’s what I AM hoping…
Joey: [confused] Why?
Chandler: [sarcastically] Oh, because of nothing, it’s just that I’ve never done that before.
[Cut to Gunther who is approaching to Rachel]
Gunther: [pokes Rachel on the back] Um…
Rachel: [turns around] Yes?
Gunther: [shyly]I have a tiny little question…
Rachel: Shoot.
Gunther: Would you, um…would you…
Rachel: Would I would I what?
Gunther: Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?
Rachel: [surprised] Oh! Actually…
Gunther: Oh no, are you seeing someone?
Rachel: [looks disgusted at Gunther] Actually…[pause]…yes.
[Cut to Monica]
Monica: All right, people, let’s play “Tell a secret”!! I want you to tell us something that no one knows about you. OK, let’s begin with…Sheila.
Phoebe: No! You can’t decide, remember? I’ll decide for you. Um…[looks around] Sheila. [Monica rolls her eyes]
Sheila: All right. Back in High School, I, um – once got drunk and fooled around with a girl.
Joey: [to Ross] I like this game!
Phoebe: Nice! Now, James.
James: I guess now the time has come…I’m gay.
Rachel: [angrily] Oh crap!
Monica: [to Rachel] I’m sorry. [claps her on the shoulder]
Phoebe: [looking at James who waits for a response] Do I have to say something now?
[Cut to Wei Yu and Ross]
Wei Yu: What gay meaning?
Ross: [looking embarrassed] Ehhh…[uses the dictionary] – it means: “wai xing ren”. He’s “wai xing ren”.
{He’s an alien.}
Phoebe: Next one ist – [looks around] Gunther!
Gunther: I don’t have any secrets.
Joey: Oh come on, I’m sure there’s something we don’t know about you.
Gunther: Let me think…what DO you know about me, then?
Chandler: You work in Central Perk…
Ross: You’re Jasmine’s roommate….
[awkward silence, everyone is thinking]
Gunther: You don’t know anything else?
Phoebe: Yes we do: Your name is Gunther!
Monica: So tell us something about you.
Gunther: OK, first: I’m not Jasmine’s roommate anymore.
Ross: [shocked] Oh! Since when?
Gunther: For about five years.
Ross: [embarrassed] Oh.
Gunther: I am also a doctor of geology.
Ross: [jumps up] WHAT!?
[all the others are surprised, too]
Phoebe: But why do you work in a stupid coffehouse?
Gunther: [embarrassed] Be…cause…All right! I’m gonna tell you the truth: I wanted to quit my Central Perk job, but then I got a crush on Rachel and I stayed there cause that way I could look at Rachel everyday, and I never was able to admit it!
[Everyone is shocked, Rachel looks very embarassed]
[awkward silence]
Chandler: I can’t believe it! You’re kidding, right?
Gunther: [thinks for a few seconds]….yes, I was just kidding.
Rachel: [to herself, relieved] Oh thank god.
[the silence breaks, everyone starts laughing]
Phoebe: Gunther is so funny!
Ross: [goes over to Gunther] But you’re a doctor? [excited] But that’s so great, I never knew that! Hey, there’s a new geology-paleantology exhibition here in the city – do you wanna visit it with me?
Gunther: [looks at Ross, thinks for a while]……I was kidding about that too.
Ross: [sadly] Oh. [to Wei Yu] Hey – maybe you want to come with me?
Wei Yu: Where?
Ross: The geology-paleantology exhibition! Wait [looks it up in the dictionary] “ben dan kai hui”
{Idiot conference}
Wei Yu: [confused] That…sounds interesting.
[Cut to Rachel and Monica]
Rachel: [excited] So, what about the “giant surprise”?
Monica: Oh, I’m so sorry Rach, but I told Phoebe to get the present but she forgot. Don’t be mad at her.
Rachel: [disappointed] What?! You should have avoided this!!!
Monica: [with an angry look, ironically] Thank you very much for understanding.
-Ending credits-
[Scene: After the party, Ross brings Wei You to her home. In front of Wei Yu’s door.]
Wei Yu: Thak you for party invite.
Ross: You’re welcome. And I’m sorry if my friends appeared to be a little insane to you. I know they seem to be a little crazy.
Wei Yu: Sorry, I not understand you words.
Ross: Wait a minute [takes out the dictionary] …”Ni de yan jing zhen piao liang, wo de bao bei er”.
{Your eyes are so pretty, my dear.}
Wei Yu: [smiling] Oh! [kisses Ross]
Ross: [happily and a little confused] Is talking about other people romantic in China??
-The End-