The One With All The Phone Calls
[Scene: At Javu: Monica’s cooking. She doesn’t wear the ring, because it might fall in the food]
Sandy: Monica, this guy is sending your food back again.
Monica: What’s wrong with my food??
Sandy: Nothing, but he want to speak to you. Can I let him in?
Monica: Well, I don’t have time now. Who cares, though? Let him in. (Sandy goes away, and Richard comes in)
Monica: (with the back to Richard) Let’s see what Mr. Clever-I-can-cook-better-than-anybody-else has to say…
Richard: (clears his throat) Oh, Mr. Clever just want to see you. The food was actually just an excuse… (Monica turns around)
Monica: Richard, what…, what are you doing here?
Richard: Eat something?
Monica: Yeah, but here’s the kitchen.
Richard: I wanted to see you.
Monica: Wow, why? Because now, it’s actually… it’s not the best time. I mean, I gotta work and some people really send my food back!
Richard: Really? These people don’t have a sense of taste.
Monica: Yeah.
Richard: OK, then, I’m gonna take off and let you work. (sees the ring less finger) Or, do you have time to going out or something, after work?
Monica: Uuumm, well, I don’t think that’s such a good idea. I mean Chandler would freak out. You know what he thinks about you…
Richard: Oh, you guys are still married?
Monica: Yeah, sure.
Richard: Oh, I’m sorry, then, I’ve never asked!
Monica: Oh. Did…, did you think, because I don’t wear the ring that we split up?
Richard: Well, yes.
Monica: No, you know, I never wear the ring at work. Because one time, it fell into the food and I didn’t notice it, and the woman who got the food thought that her boyfriends would propose, so…
Richard: Oh, OK.
Monica: But we could go out at all. Chandler doesn’t have to know that…
Richard: I won’t tell him! So, do you have time today?
Monica: Yeah, after work. I can call Chandler and tell him that I go to lunch with a colleague or somethin’.
Richard: Good. So, when are you finish here?
Monica: Probably at 2.
Richard: OK, I’ll pick you up at 2. See you.
Monica: Yeah, see you. (Richard leaves and Monica keep on cooking.)
[Scene: At Central Perk: Rachel is sitting on the couch]
[The new waiter, Daniel, comes.]
Daniel: Can I bring you something else?
Rachel: Oh, oh you work here? I didn’t see you here yet. I just wondered why you’re hanging out behind the bar…
Daniel: Yeah, I work here, but I’m new, so…
Rachel: Yeah, but you can bring me a blueberry muffin at all.
Daniel: Sure. (walks away, and come back with the muffin) So, are you often around here?
Rachel: Yeah, that’s kind of “our” café here, actually.
Daniel: Our? (looks around)
Rachel: Normally, I hang out with my friends, but most of them are at work.
Daniel: And you? You don’t work?
Rachel: No, I work at Ralph Laurent (proud).
Daniel: Ralph Laurent, wow. Yeah, I work at Gunther…
Rachel: I worked here too, long time ago.
Daniel: Really? Why did you quit?
Rachel: Actually, I don’t work here anymore cause I think that (whispers) Gunther is kinda weird.
Daniel: To be honest, (whispers too) I think so too. (Gunther comes out of the kitchen, goes behind the bar and eavesdrop on them) Do you want to go out, perhaps? (Gunther is getting angry)
Rachel: Yeah, sure. I just have to find a nanny for Emma.
Daniel: Emma?
Rachel: Oh, I have a little daughter. Will it disturb you?
Daniel: No, No. As long as you are not married…
Rachel: No, I’m not. But, y’know, that’s such a long story, I’ll tell you, when you pick me up here at 3?
Daniel: Yeah, sure. (Gunther’s sad) OK, I have to go back to work. See you than. (goes back to work)
[Scene: Ross’s: He’s lying on the couch]
[Knock at the door]
Ross: (in a hoarse voice) It’s open. (Phoebe come sin.)
Phoebe: Ross? Ross?? Are you at home?
Ross: I’m here Phoebe.
Phoebe: Ross, where are you? I just can hear you very quietly.
Ross: (raises his arm) I’m here, on the couch.
Phoebe: Oh, there you are. (goes to the couch)
Ross: Do not come so close, I’m sick.
Phoebe: Oh, you poor Ross! What’s wrong with you?
Ross: I don’t know. But can you do me a favour?
Phoebe: Oh no. I will not clean your bucket!
Ross: I actually was thinking of something else…
Phoebe: Oh, OK.
Ross: Can you go to the drugstore and buy something for me? (writes the name on a piece of paper.)
Phoebe: Yeah, sure, just tell me what and I’ll storm out of here and come back very soon.
Ross: (looks at her strangely) Ummm, yeah, the name is Esperitops. (holds the paper and money out to Phoebe, but she storms out, but comes back)
Phoebe: That was for me right.
Ross: Yes. And I wanna have the rest of the money back!
Phoebe: We’ll se, we’ll see… (goes away)
[Scene: Monica just got changed when Richard comes in]
Richard: Hi.
Monica: (shy) Hi.
Richard: Wow, you look great.
Monica: Don’t say that. Let’s go.
Richard: OK, let’s go. (they walk away)
[Scene: Central Perk: Rachel comes in, looks around and sits down)
( her cell rings)
Rachel: Hello?
Daniel: Hey Rachel, it’s Daniel. I’m so sorry but I have to stood you up.
Rachel: Oh, why?
Daniel: Gunther just called and he said that I have to work today.
Rachel: Oh, what a pity!
Daniel: Yeah, but, perhaps see you tomorrow, though?
Rachel: Sure, bye!
(Gunther looks malicious, Rachel hangs up and put the cell on the table, thinks about something, goes to the bar and orders a coffee to go. Leaves without the cell. Gunther sees the cell on the table, takes it)
Gunther: Oh, what a day!
[Scene: A restaurant, Monica and Richard are sitting at a table near the window]
Monica: Well, and now there’s Emma.
Richard: Wow, Rachel and Ross. I didn’t see that coming…
Monica: We neither. We all hope that they are getting back together, though…
Richard: Can I ask you something?
Monica: Sure.
Richard: You and Chandler…, do you wanna have kids?
Monica: Yeah, we are pretty sure that we want to have kids.
Richard: ( more to himself) So, he’s obviously a grown-up now…
Monica: (laughing) You can say it that way…
(In this moment, Chandler goes down the street and sees the both through the window. He goes home very angry, Monica didn’t notice )
Richard: Do you want to have something, a coffee or…?
Monica: No, no thanks. I think it’s better when I go now. It was nice to see you again.
Richard: Yeah, it was.
Monica: (stands up) Bye (and exits, Richard watches her go and sighs.)
[Scene: Ross’s, Ross still lying on the couch.]
(Phoebe comes in)
Phoebe: Hey, I’m back!
Ross: Hi. Thank you Pheebs! (Phoebe gives him the medication and the rest of the money)
Ross: (counting the money) Hey Pheebs! You only stole me 20 bucks!
Phoebe: Good, right?! (Ross puts the money on the table)
Ross: (drinks the medication) Iioouu! Why is medicine always so sickening???
Phoebe: I don’t know! (gets a little crosses) They don’t wanna say and they don’t come to the court neither!
Ross: (surprised) They let you in front of the court with such a thing??
Phoebe: Yeah, actually the judge was my lover at that time…
Ross: (ironic) Oh, then… (Phoebe looks at him strangely) What?? What’s up?
Phoebe: Ross, you really have to learn how to write without painting yourself!
Ross: What do you mean?
Phoebe: All these points in you face.
Ross: Seriously, what points?
Phoebe: These green points in you face!!
Ross: (hysterical) I didn’t touch a green pen today!
Phoebe: Than you have to wash your face!
Ross: Please, I didn’t have the points in the morning, did I?
Phoebe: (thinking) No, you’re right! That’s weird!
Ross: How do they look like?
Phoebe: (gives him a little mirror out of her purse) Here you go!
Ross: (looks in the mirror and sees his green-pointed face) OH MY GOD!!!
[Scene: Joey and Rachel’s: Joey’s watching TV]
(the phone rings)
Joey: Hello? (Rachel comes in, Joey waves)
Guy at the phone: Hello? May I speak to Rachel?
Joey: Hold on. (to Rachel) It’s for you.
Rachel: oh, who is it?
Joey: no idea, some guy.
Rachel: Oh. Hello? (you can hear a toot) Hello? (to Joey) He hanged up.
Joey: Weird.
Rachel: Yeah, but when he wanna reach me one more time, he can call me on my cell because I have to go. (rummages around in her purse) Oh, crap! Shit, shit, shit!
Joey: What?
Rachel: I lost my cell!
Joey: You’re sure?
Rachel: (tips out her purse, lot of stuff is lying on the ground now, but not her cell) Can you see it anywhere?
Joey: Wow, just let me cancel all my dates an I can help you! (switch off the TV) I’m ready.
Rachel: Oh, you stood up Stevie? Just for me, wow!
Joey: Yeah! So, let’s go.
(the phone rings)
Rachel: Oh, let me get it, perhaps it’s the weird guy or someone found my cell. (to the phone) Hello?
Guy: Rachel?
Rachel: Yeah. Who is there? (again the toot) Damn it, he hangs up again!
Joey: Again: He’s weird. I’m gonna go to Chandler if you need me. (goes away)
Rachel: Actually I do need y-- (door banges) ya…
[ On the floor: Chandler arrives, smoking. Joey want to say something, but Chandler goes immediately into the apartment.]
Joey: (knocks at the door) Chandler?
Chandler: (opens the door, goes to the couch) Oh, hey Joe.
Joey: Hey. What’s wrong with ya? (sees the cigarette) You smoke??
Chandler: No, no. ( stubs out the cigarette on the table)
Joey: Oh, man, Monica will freak out when she sees that! (points on the table)
Chandler: I don’t care.
Joey: Oh, dude, what’s up?
Chandler: You wanna know what’s up? OK, I’ll tell you what’s up. My dear wife is going out with Richard. That’s up. (sits down)
Joey: What? With Richard? Richard, the guy who proposed to Monica the same day as you did?
Chandler: Yes.
Joey: Man, that’s hard. (sits down next to him) Do you, I mean do you think she…
Chandler: I have no idea!
Joey: No, no , Monica wouldn’t do something like that!
Chandler: How do you know that? And it isn’t the first time! Befor we went to Vegas, she had lunch with him too! And if hat doesn’t mean any--
Joey: Man, come on, calm down! Look, I don’t thing that she’s dating him or something. I mean, hey, she loves you. And you won the first and the second match against Richard, so you’ll win the third too!
Chandler: She promised me to never see him again!
(Monica enters)
Monica: Hey guys.
Joey: Come on, dude. You’ll be fine. (exits)
Chandler: (angry) And, how were your dates?
Monica: (nervous) Dates?
Chandler: Yeah, the one with your colleague and the one with Richard!
Monica: With… ,with Richard?
Chandler: Oh, please don’t play the innocent person! I saw you guys.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Yeah. I walked home, was happy to see my wife and then –bam, I wasn’t happy anymore! Because I saw Richard and you laughing in a restaurant.
Monica: (sees the cigarette on the table) Did you smoke in here?
Chandler: Did you go out with Richard??
[Scene: Ross’s, Ross is still watching in the mirror.]
Ross: Oh my God! What, what is that? (touches his face, then looks at the packaging of the medication)
Phoebe! You bought the wrong thing!!!
Phoebe: No, you said Esperitops and --
Ross: and that’s Esperitaps! (reads the instructions)
Phoebe: Potato – Potahtoe
Ross: No, Phoebe, look at this! (gives her the instructions)
Phoebe: (after she read it) Oh my God! Ross, you can’t take this medication with that one here! (points of a medication on the table)
Ross: Oh, really?
Phoebe: Ross, you have to read the instructions before you takes a medication!!!
Ross: Phoebe, you have to read the name of the medication that I write down for you!
Phoebe: Hey, you can’t blame me, or can you read this scribble here, huh? (shows him the paper) Hey, but, oh your green points are gone!
Ross: Really?
Phoebe: Yeah, they are red now!
(Ross looks shocked)
[ Scene: Joey and Rachel’s, Rachel calls her own cell)
Rachel: Come on, answer!
Guy: Hello?
Rachel: Hello, who is there?
Guy: It depends on who is there!
Rachel: I’m the owner of the cell with you’re phoning right now!
Guy: Rachel?
Rachel: Yes, how do you know me? Who are you?
Guy: You know me too!
Rachel: Oh, do I? So, that’s kind of perfect, isn’t it? I mean, you know me and I’m supposed to know you! That are good conditions!
Guy: For, for what?
Rachel: For taking my cell back! So, where can I fetch it?
Guy: I found it at the Central Perk!
Rachel: At the Central Perk? That makes sense… (toot again) Hello, hello? Oh crap! ( throws the phone away, takes her stuff and gets out)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Chandler is sitting on the couch, Monica is standing in the kitchen]
Monica: OK, I met Richard.
Chandler: Oh, how nice! My wife is dating Richard!
Monica: Do you… You think that I have an affair?
Chandler: Can you blame me? Richard was your first big love! And it’s not like he first time you meet him since we two are going out!
Monica: What?
Chandler: oh, you don’t even remember! The Vegas thing! You promised not to see him again! And at that time, you didn’t tell it me either! If Phoebe wouldn’t have been there, I were probably Richard now! (the phone rings) OK, if that’s Richard and he wanna tell you how fun it was and that he want to see you again, I’m gone!
Monica: (answers the phone) Hello? No, you’ve got the wrong number! (whispering) Yeah, I had fun too, I’ll call you back, Richard.
Chandler: Who was it?
Monica: Wrong number.
Chandler: I can believe it! Why do you meet Richard? Dr. Richard Burke!
Monica: Honey (sits down next to him), it is not that big deal!
Chandler: But it is to me! How can I know that you’re not dating for a longer time?
Monica: OK, call him. (gives him the phone)
Chandler: Oh, yeah, I will call him. (takes the phone book) B like Burke. (searching) He isn’t in it.
Monica: 776394.
Chandler: Goodbye! (runs out)
[Scene: Ross’s, Ross is sitting on the couch, Phoebe on the table)
Ross: Red? Give me you mirror! (Phoebe gives him the mirror) Oh my God! Why are they red now??
Phoebe: I have no idea! You’re the doctor here!
Ross: Phoebe, I’m a doctor but not for that!
Phoebe: Blablabla…
Ross: We have to do something! (takes the phone)
Phoebe: Yes. But I don’t think that it’s the right time for a talk now!
Ross: I wanna call the company who produces the medication!
Phoebe: Oh, go ahead!
Ross: (dials, then to the phone) Hello. Hello, sir, here’s Ross Geller. (pause) I have a very urgent question: I took you medication and plus that some pills of Sinupret. And now (takes the mirror), now I have… violet points in my face! (pause) Yeah, I now, yeah… (pause) OK… OK (pause) Yes… (shocked)WHAT?? OK, thank you very much, goodbye.
Phoebe: What?
[Scene: Central Perk: Joey is sitting on the couch]
(Rachel comes in)
Joey: Hey, you got you cell back?
Rachel: I had a talk with the guy who has found my cell.
Joey: So, you can pick it up?
Rachel: No! Because this guy really thinks that it’s so funny to hang up in the middle of the talk! But he said that he found it here.
Joey: You can ask Gunther, perhaps somebody gave your cell to him.
Rachel: Yeah, good idea! (goes to Gunther) Hey Gunther! (Gunther has Rachel’s cell in his hands) Oh my God, Gunther, you have my cell! Who found it?
Gunther: Me. (gives her the cell)
Rachel: You? Oh thank you so so much! But, hey, did you make all the calls?
Gunther: Uuummm, yes.
Rachel: Why did you hang up all the time?
Gunther: I gotta tell you something. Rachel, I… I. (sees Daniel coming) Ohh, Daniel. (and goes away)
Rachel: (watches him go, goes to Joey) I really now why I don’t work here anymore! (goes back to the couch and puts the cell on the table)
[Chandler comes in]
Rachel: Hey Chandler!
Joey: What did she say?
Chandler: Well, the last thing she said was 776394!
Rachel: (thinking) Why does she tell you Richard’s phone number??
Chandler: (shocked) Why do you all know his number?? (exits)
Rachel: What’s wrong with him?
Joey: Monica had lunch with Richard.
Rachel: What??
Joey: Yeah, she had lunch with him! That’s all I know! Chandler is afraid that she has an affair with him.
Rachel: I don’t think so. I’ll talk to her, though!
Joey: No, no. I think that they have to talk alone
Rachel: Yeah, you’re right. I’ll go home, see you.
Joey: Wait, I come with you.
Rachel: OK, oh, and this buddy here comes with me now, he?! (takes the cell)
[They leave]
[Scene: Ross’s, Ross comes out of the toilet with a glass and a bit of an yellow liquid in it, on the table is salt, water and vinegar]
Phoebe: That’s all?
Ross: I just have been on the toilet! (mixes the stuff together)
Phoebe: Cheers!
Ross: That’s not funny, OK? (drinks it) Iiioouu!
Phoebe: So bad?
Ross: Did you ever drink your own pee with vinegar, water and salt??
Phoebe: No.
Ross: So, can you see a change?
Phoebe: No, not yet. Oh, but wait… They are red now!
Ross: Really?
Phoebe: Yes, oh, oh and now they are green!
Ross: (takes the mirror) Yeah, you’re right!
Phoebe: oh, and now they are all gone!
Ross: Oh, yes! But hey, that was pretty fast, wasn’t it? A bit too fast, I think…
Phoebe: Do you wanna have your points again? (threatens with the two medications)
Ross: No, no, take them away from me!
Phoebe: OK, OK. (looks at her watch) Wow, it’s late. I’ gonna go now.
Ross: Sure. Bye, and thank you pheebs! You are really a big help! (hugs her)
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. Bye.
Ross: Bye. (phoebe leaves)
[Scene: next morning: Monica’s, Monica is sitting on the couch]
(Rachel enters)
Monica: (stands up) Trust me! There was nothing!!!
Rachel: OK, I trust you.
Monica: Oh, it’s you. (sits down)
Rachel: Do you really date Richard?
Monica: I don’t date him! We just had lunch together!
Rachel: Tell that Chandler…
Monica: Did you see him?
Rachel: He didn’t come home?
Monica: NO!
Rachel: Well, yesterday, he was at the coffee house, but I don’t know where he is now. I mean, he totally freaked out!
Monica: I know! But Richard came to the restaurant and asked me if I wanna have lunch with him…
Rachel: Why did you say yes?
Monica: Because I thought that Chandler wouldn’t care about that.
Rachel: Do you believe that, really??
Monica: OK, no. He wasn’t supposed to see us! But then, he saw us and now he’s gone and I have no idea where he is! (starts crying) Maybe he is in a dirty, dark lane and --
Rachel: (sits down next to her) Monica, come on. (hugs her) We’ll find him! Call him on his cell!
Monica: Oh, yeah. (grabs the phone and a piece of paper with Chandler’s cell number.)
Rachel: What? You know Richard’s number by heart but not that one of your husband??
Monica: I can’t remember such long numbers, OK? (dials) (pause) Oh good, it isn’t off…
[Cut to Chandler: he is in his office]
[ his cell rings, watches at the display: “HOME”, but he doesn’t answer and turns the cell off)
[Cut to Monica]
Monica: … but he doesn’t answer! (tries it again) … and now, he turns it off.
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, Monica is sitting on the couch]
(Chandler enters)
Monica: Oh, good you’re back!
Chandler: Wouldn’t you like it better when I were Richard?
Rachel: OK, I’m gonna leave you guys alone. (leaves)
Monica: Please, stop talking like that, you know that it isn’t true! I was waiting for you the whole night! And I tried to call you but you didn’t answer, why? I was really worried! Where were you?
Chandler: I was in my office. And I didn’t answer because I didn’t want to talk to you, oh, and by the way, I don’t want to speak to you still, so, goodbye. (goes to the bedroom)
Monica: Where are you going? ( goes after him)
Chandler: I am going in the bedroom, but I don’t know where you are going. Oh, perhaps to Richard? ( bangs the door)
Monica: Chandler, please! Let me try to explain it at least! I just had lunch with him once!
Chandler: (comes out) That’s not the thing! I just can not believe that you met him! Even if you guys slept together wouldn’t change the basic thing!
Monica: Oh, you think so? If I slept with him, I would be unfaithful to you, but I don’t!
Chandler: Anyway, why did you meet him, you know what if have for an opinion of him!
Monica: Yes, I know. And it was a mistake, but he came to the restaurant and thought that we split up because I wasn’t wearing my ring. I told him that we’re still married, happy married, but ---
Chandler: Are you happy married right now? Because I’m not…
Monica: Actually I’m not happy when we have a fight!
Chandler: Wow, we’re one opinion!
Monica: Why do you talk like that?
Chandler: Because, because I’m worried about our marriage.
Monica: You don’t have to worry about our marriage! There’s no reason!
Chandler: Really?
Monica: Chandler, you are the only one I love and you are the only one I wanna spend the rest of my life with!
Chandler: (smiles) You are the only one I wanna spend the rest of my life with too. (hugs her) What was Richard’s number again
Monica: 7763… I don’t remember.
Chandler: Good. I, I’m sorry!
Monica: No, you didn’t make a fault. I’m sorry.
Chandler: Yeah, right. But I overreacted.
Monica: OK, perhaps a bit.
Chandler: I love you Monica.
Monica: I love you too Chandler. (they kiss)
[Scene: Monica and Chandler’s, aside from Joey. Monica and Chandler are in the armchair, Ross is lying on the couch, Rachel and Phoebe are sitting next to him.]
Joey: (enters) Hey, what’s up? (sees Monica and Chandler) Oh, you guys made out?
Monica: Yes, everything is fine.
Chandler: Yep, we talked about everything and I won the third time against Richard! Yeah! (shaking his arms around)
[everybody looks at him strangely so that he stops]
-The End-