The One Where Chandler Kisses
[in chandler’s office: he’s at his desk, hiss boss comes in]
Boss: hey Bing!
Chandler: yes.
Boss: I want you to meet someone.
Chandler: you know that I’m married!
Boss: no, someone who’s gonna work here! Come on in Wendy!
[Wendy from Tulsa comes in]
Wendy: hi.
Chandler: oh my god, Wendy?
Boss: you know her?
Chandler: I’m afraid so… I spend Christmas with her…
Boss: oh, OK. (pauses) then, I’m gonna leave you guys alone, brushing up the christmas memories!
Chandler: I don’t think so!
[Wendy goes to chandler, sits down in his desk, he roles with his chair away]
Wendy: so, you remember me
Chandler: how could I forget you??
-Opening Credits-
[at Monica and Chandler’s: Monica and Rachel are having breakfast, the phone rings]
Monica: hello? Ehhe… yes… what? oh, that’s great. OK. OK, yes, see you tomorrow. yeah. Bye (hangs up)
Rachel: who was that?
Monica: work. I don’t have to work today!
Rachel: why not?
Monica: because my sous-chef is back. You know, he has been sick a long time and now he can work again.
Rachel: you don’t think that you should say hello? I mean, when he was sick so long, you really should welcome him back!
Monica: yeah, I should do that… (thinks) I’m gonna surprise chandler!
[Monica goes out, Rachel looks at her, thinks if she should leave but then eats the rest of the breakfast]
[ cut back to chandler’ office]
Wendy: so, how is your wife?
Chandler: great. You know what? I’m gonna call her now!
[chandler wants to take the phone but Wendy ribs the cable out]
Wendy: no? really?
Chandler: or maybe later…
[he stands up, wants to go away, but Wendy stops him, takes his tie and pulls him closer to her]
Wendy: oh no, I’m not gonna let you go again! (tries to kiss him but chandler pushes her away)
Chandler: aren’t you married too?
Wendy: do you se a ring?
Chandler: no… (she tries to kiss him again) but I’m still married! (he pushes her away again)
Wendy: come on! You want it too!
Chandler: oh, I want it too? That’s… good to know, but you know, I really appreciate this, but I—
[she tries to kiss him again, but now, chandler is too slow, so they kiss. Monica comes in]
Monica: surpi—
[Monica sees chandler and Wendy kissing, chandler sees Monica, pushes Wendy away and wants to explain it to Monica but she runs out]
Chandler: Monica! Honey! No, it’s not that what you’re thinking of! Honey, wait!
Wendy: I guess this was your wife??
[chandler looks at her kind of “oh really?” and runs out]
[at Monica and chandler’s: Rachel and Joey are sitting in the kitchen]
[Monica comes crying in and closes the door with the chain]
Rachel: Mon? Monica?
[Monica sits down on the couch, Rachel goes to her and sits down next to her]
Rachel: what’s the matter sweetie?
Monica: chandler! He kissed another woman!
Joey: (goes to Monica) what? Chandler? But that’s impossible? I mean we’re talking about chandler here!
Rachel: how do you know?
Monica: I saw him with that… bitch. I walked in his office and saw them, kissing.
Joey: but chandler wouldn’t do such a thing! He loves you!
Monica: and why is he cheating on me??
Rachel: perhaps you just didn’t get it right! Perhaps he was just… whispering something in her ear?!
Monica: no! there is nothing to get wrong! And you don’t talk when you have stuff in your mouth!
[chandler comes, wants to go in, but the chain is in the way]
Chandler: Monica, honey, please let me in!
Monica: you wanna fool around here with you girlfriend now?
Chandler: it’s not that what you’re thinking of!
Joey: yeah, that’s what they all say…
Rachel: Joey!
Monica: chandler, just go please! I really can not see you right now!
[Monica goes into the bathroom, chandler closes sadly the door]
[next day;in chandler’s office: he’s sitting at his desk, Wendy comes in]
Wendy: you wanted to see me?
Chandler: yes, sit down.
[Wendy sits down on the desk]
Chandler: on the chair…
[Wendy sits down on the chair and pulls her skirt a bit higher]
Chandler: just go to the door! (she goes to the door) listen Wendy, about yesterday…
Wendy: yeah, I’m so sorry! (interested) are you getting divorced now?
Chandler: no! well, I couldn’t explain it to her yet, she doesn’t want to see me…
Wendy: can you blame her? You kissed another woman!
Chandler: you were the other woman!
Wendy: oh, yeah right.
Chandler: what were you thinking?
Wendy: I’m sorry, I think I’m just… attracted to you. You’re actually the reason why I switched my job in live in New York now…
Chandler: (flattered) really? No, no! listen Wendy, I have really big problems now!
Wendy: can I help you solving them?
Chandler: yes, go back to Tulsa! And on the way back, you can tell my wife that you kissed me!
Wendy: what??
Chandler: yes, that’s right! You kissed me, so you’re gonna tell her truth. You’re gonna go to her and tell her everything, how you tried to kiss me and how I pushed you away every time
Wendy: well, not every time.. (chandler looks at her madly) OK, OK I’ll do it!
Chandler: thank you
Wendy: but I want to have something for that!
Chandler: what?
Wendy: a kiss!
Chandler: no! now get out!
[at the central perk: Ross and phoebe are sitting on the couch]
Ross: what?? Chandler kissed another woman???
Phoebe: yeah, Rachel told me.
Ross: (stands up) well I’m gonna kick some ass now!
[chandler comes in]
Phoebe: here comes the ass kicking!
Ross: (goes to chandler) what did you do to my sister?
Chandler: Ross, let me explain!
Ross: don’t you remember our conversation before you guys got married?
Phoebe: the “hijah-thing”?
Ross: (looks at her) … exactly!
Phoebe: still??
Ross: (looks at her again, then to chandler) come on, we’re going outside!
Chandler: what? We’re going outside?? You wanna punch me?
Ross: seems like you don’t understand it the other way!
Chandler: Ross, let me explain! There was nothing! OK?
Ross: kissing other people is nothing?
Chandler: I did not kiss Wendy!
Ross: so, why were your tongue in her mouth?
Chandler: what? My tongue was not in her mouth! And – how do you know?
Ross: phoebe told me
Phoebe: (thinking) hold on. Wendy? I know that name…
Ross: (thinks) yeah, I do too!
Phoebe: this is the girl from Tulsa!
Ross: what? Is that true? I ASKED IF THIS IS THAT TRUE?!!
Chandler: yes, yes it is true. She moved to New York and switched jobs because… because of me
Phoebe: because of you??
Chandler: yes
Ross: and as a gift to say thank you, you kissed her!
Chandler: no! OK, just tell me where Monica is, please! I really need to talk to her!
Ross: yeah sure, you kissed an other woman…
Chandler: come on! Where is she?
Phoebe: I don’t know…
Ross: me neither…
Chandler: OK, thank you! (runs out)
Phoebe: yeah that was some ass kickin’, I must say!
[in the hallway: Joey comes out of his apartment, chandler comes from the stairs]
Chandler: where is Monica? I have to talk to her!
Joey: dude, what did you do? Why did you kiss an other woman?
Chandler: you remember that Christmas when I was in Tulsa?
Joey: yeah, some girl was with you there. But we’re talking about something else now…
Chandler: the girl from Tulsa, Wendy, came to New York, because of me. And she tried to seduce me and to kiss me, but I pushed her away every time. But then I was too slow… so, she kissed me…
Joey: but you didn’t do something to stop it, did ya?
Chandler: I was so surprised, then I realised what I was doing there but it was too late… Monica came in and saw us. And now, I can’t find her. Where is she?
Joey: I think she’s to her parents
Chandler: are you sure?
Joey: yeah Rachel told me I would call her!
Chandler: wait a minute! I this the same thing… you know… like the day I proposed? Is Monica waiting in there? Telling me she’s pregnant?
Joey: Nope, I’m sorry man! (they hug)
Chandler: I cannot believe this! She’ll never forgive me! I’m gonna end up like Ross, with a couple divorces!
[at the central perk: Rachel, phoebe and Ross are there]
Rachel: she cried all the time and now she’s at your parents’, Ross.
Ross: I still cannot believe that he did that to Monica!
Phoebe: well, your ass kicking and hijah- stuff didn’t help, huh?
[Joey comes in]
Joey: hey, I just talked to chandler. He wants to call Monica and tell her what happened between him and that Wendy-girl.
Rachel: Wendy?? Isn’t that the girl form Tulsa?
Phoebe: yes
Ross: did he tell you why he kissed her?
Joey: yeah, she was actually trying to kiss him a few times before and he always pushed her away. But then he was too slow and when he realised what he was doing there, Monica came in.
Rachel: but they can make things up! This is fixable right? I mean it’s Monica and chandler!
Phoebe: yeah, and if they can’ do it, we’ll help them. With Ross’s hilarious ass kicking, the problem’s solved!
[at Mr and Mrs Geller: Monica is lying on the couch, Mr and Mrs Geller are sitting next to her]
Mr Geller: we’re so sorry sweetie!
Monica: why would he do that? I thought he loves me!
Mrs Geller: but he does!
Mr Geller: yeah, that was probably just a one-night-thing!
Monica: you think they had sex?
Mrs Geller: they didn’t?
Monica: I don’t know… I just saw them kissing…
Mr Geller: well, that’s not that big deal. If it was just a kiss, you fix that! You know, when your mother and I weren’t together yet, she had a boyfriend and I was really ---
Monica: dad, please, no now, OK?
Mrs Geller: and when you can’t fix it, Ross will help you!
Monica: because he used to trouble in marriages?
Mrs Geller: no, because he’s Ross!
[at chandler and Monica’s: chandler sits on the couch in his sweaty pants, takes the phone and dials the number of Mr and Mrs Geller]
Chandler: Judy? Hi… it’s me, chandler. Is Monica with you?
[cut to the Gellers]
Mrs. Geller: hello chandler, Monica is here, hold on. (to Monica) it’s chandler, do you want to talk to him?
Monica: no.
Mrs Geller: chandler, she’s OK.
[cut to chandler]
Chandler: can I talk to her? Please!
[cut to the Gellers]
Mrs Geller: (looks at Monica but she shakes her head) no ,she doesn’t want to talk to you, I’m sorry.
[cut to chandler]
Chandler: please! I have to talk to her! I want to explain her what happened!
Mrs Geller: have you had sex with this woman?
Chandler: no! we just kissed one! That’s actually a bit complicated, so I really need to talk to her!
Mrs Geller: I’m sorry chandler. But Monica has to think.
Monica: give me the phone mum.
Mrs Geller: are you sure?
Monica: yes.
Mrs Geller: hold on chandler, Monica wants to talk to you (gives Monica the phone)
Chandler: oh god Monica, please listen to me! I’m sorry, I love you, I –
Monica: don’t call here again. Bye. (she hangs up)
Chandler: no, Monica! Wait! Don’t hang up! (he hears the toot, hangs up and throws the phone away)
[next morning: at chandler and Monica’s: chandler is lying on the couch, in his sweat pants, Rachel and Joey are there too]
Chandler: do you think she will ever forgive me?
Joey: yes, sure!
Rachel: she loves you!
Chandler: what if she goes back to Richard? Oh no, she’s gonna go back to Richard! She leaves me and takes Richard! And they’ll live together here and I have to see them together all the time so I have to move to Vegas and go to my dad’s show and --
Rachel: come on! Stop that!
Joey: yeas, you’re bein’ crazy! When you leave the city, you have to go far away, they still can come to Vegas
Rachel: Joey! What is the matter with you?
Chandler: I should call her!
Rachel: no! she said that she doesn’t want to talk to you, she heeds time, chandler. She has to think.
Chandler: but when she thinks, she’s gonna think that she has to go back to Richard!
Joey: forget Richard! (looks at his watch) so, I have to go, I got a date. And do not do things you’re gonna regret later!
Rachel + chandler: what?
Joey: I just wanted to be taken serious once! (leaves)
[at Mr and Mrs Geller’s: Monica is in the kitchen, the phone rings]
Monica: hello?
Ross: hey, it’s me, how are ya?
Monica: what do you think? My husband is cheating on me!
Ross: chandler is not cheating on you, OK? He didn’t even want to kiss her!
Monica: what do you mean?
Ross: she tried to kiss him a few times before but every time, he pushed her away.
Monica: well, when I came in they were kissing and it didn’t seem like chandler wouldn’t enjoy it!
Ross: chandler was not enjoying it! Wendy kissed him and as he realised what he was doing there, you came in and--
Monica: wait a minute! Wendy? Isn’t that the girl from Tulsa, he spent Christmas with?
Ross: yes, but that doesn’t mean anything, OK? The best is he explains it to you, not me.
Monica: but I told him not to tell here anymore…
Ross: then you call him!
Monica: I don’t know…
Ross: come on! Just call him!
Monica: …okay. I’ll call him.
Ross: OK, see you.
Monica: bye. (hang up)
[Mrs Geller comes in]
Mrs Geller: who was that?
Monica: Ross
Mrs Geller: what did he say?
Monica: that I should call chandler and talk to him about what happened
Mrs Geller: I know that Ross can fix that! (leaves)
[in a restaurant: Joey and his date Miranda are sitting at a table. Joey looks very thoughtful]
Miranda: are you OK?
Joey: yeah, yea I’m OK, it’s just… two friends have a big fight in their marriage. He kissed another woman…
Miranda: oh, I’m sorry. But you know, I’m a phsychologe, perhaps I can help?
Joey: what do you mean?
Miranda: well, I could talk to him about that
Joey: why?
Miranda: to find out why he kissed that woman!
Joey: no, no, she kissed him. He didn’t want to kiss her…
Miranda: that’s what your friend thinks!
Joey: what do you mean now? You really have to speak less secretly!
Miranda: look… ehm… had your friends troubles in their marriage before?
Joey: I don’t think so… well, not such serious troubles.
Miranda: mmh… because if they had, it would be pretty clear why he kissed that other girl, right?
Joey: yeah…. (thinks) no, not so much
[at the Gellers: Monica is eating something, the phone rings]
Monica: hello?
Wendy: Monica Bing?
Monica: yes. Who is that?
Wendy: this is Wendy.
Monica: the Wendy? The Wendy who kissed my husband Wendy?
Wendy: I guess so…
Monica: why are you calling me? How did you get the number of my parents?
Wendy: chandler gave it to me. I called you to tell you the truth
Monica: what? This is ridiculous! Chandler should call here again, not you!
Wendy: listen, it was one kiss and your husband didn’t even want it. And I’m sorry!
Monica: I know that! And I was going to forgive him and to call him, I mean it was really just a kiss, but now, I am not gonna do that!
Wendy: what? Why?
Monica: because you called here! Whose idea was that? Chandler’s?
Wendy: would it help if I said it was mine?
[Monica hangs up]
[at Joey’s: chandler is lying on the couch. Joey and Miranda come in, kissing, they go to the couch, want to lie down but then see chandler]
Joey: dude, what are you doing here?
Chandler: trying to no think of Monica and Richard. Well… I try but it doesn’t work…
Joey: and you cant do that at your place? I mean, I am kinda busy here!
Chandler: no, everything reminds me there at Monica. And that reminds me at Monica and Richard and as I told you, I am trying to not think of them!
Miranda: oh, you are the guy who kissed another woman!
Chandler: (confused) yes…
Miranda: only child right?
Chandler: yes
Miranda: parents got divorced when you were a teenager?
Chandler: roger??
Miranda. Hi, I’m Miranda. Joey told me about you.
Chandler: (relieved) oh… OK.
Joey: I didn’t tell her about the only child and your parents’ divorce…
Chandler: that’s…. great! Nice! OK, I’m gonna leave you guys alone
Joey: thank y--
Miranda: no, no, stay! (Joey and chandler look at her) not for that! I meant to talk!
Chandler + Joey: (relieved) oh, okay.
Chandler: and what are we gonna talk about?
Miranda: about your marriage! And how to solve the problem
Chandler: well, I think I kind of have solved it yet…
Miranda: really? And why did you say you try to not think about your wife and that Richard guy?
Chandler: I wanted to do a dramatic scene…
[next day; at Monica and chandler’s: chandler is still in his sweat pants, Ross comes in]
Ross: hey man, how are ya?
Chandler: I haven’t talked to my wife in three days now, I think I’m ready to kill myself now.
Ross: what? I thought she called you!
Chandler: why would she call me? I kissed another woman!
Ross: but I talked to her and she said she wanted to call you…that’s weird… why didn’t she call you?
Chandler: I don’t know, okay?
Ross: you should call her.
Chandler: what? No, I’m not gonna call Monica! She said that I should not call her, so I won’t!
Ross: do you love Monica?
Chandler: yes!
Ross: do you want this marriage to work?
Chandler: no I don’t, I like the things the way they are! Sure I want my marriage to work! What are you thinking! I’m not you!
Ross: mhhh… I think you guys really overreacted there… I mean, it was just a kiss, right?
Chandler: what do you mean?
Ross: was is just that one kiss?? WAS IT???
Chandler: jeez, relax! Yes, it was only that one kiss! And you know what? You’re right, you are totally right! This is just about one stupid, meaningless kiss! I am going to call Monica now!
Ross: yeah, do that!
Chandler: you bet you’re ass I’m doing that! (takes the phone) yes! (dials) yeah, I’m call her! (waits) it’s occupied…
[at the central perk: Rachel and phoebe are there, chandler and Ross come in]
Rachel: hey, how you feelin’?
Phoebe: still in his sweat pants. Not a bit better?
Chandler: well, a bit. I was gonna call her actually, but it was occupied, for an hour! Who talks that long, anyway?
Rachel: Monica and me! And you are the biggest jerk I have ever seen!
Chandler. Thank you Rach, that cracks me up!
Phoebe: letting the girl you cheated on Monica with explain it to her? Are you serious? This is the dumbest thing I have seen in my all my lifes!
Ross: you did what?
Chandler: I gave Wendy the number of your parents to call Monica and explain it. Phoebe was right. But I was obviously not right with that idea…
Rachel: no! you were not!
Ross: well, now I know why she didn’t call you…
Rachel: yes, that is why she didn’t call you!
Chandler: and how do you wanna know that?
Rachel: she told me!
Chandler: OK, did she say something else? Will she forgive me?
Rachel: well, yeah, I think. But you did a very stupid thing though!
Chandler: I know! I didn’t even want to kiss Wendy.
Rachel: I meant the letting Wendy call Monica thing! She almost forgot the kiss…
Chandler: what? Are you serious? She isn’t mad at me because of the kiss?
Phoebe: no, but she’s mad at you to gave Wendy her number!
Chandler: OK, I can fix that. I’m gonna call her right now!
Ross: OK, here’s my cell phone (gives him his cell phone)
Chandler: thank you Ross, but I think I am not calling my wife from a coffee house to fix things ! see you guys later (runs out)
Phoebe: he’s gonna mess it up
Rachel: what? Phoebe!
Ross: no, no, she’s right, chandler really suck at this!
[at Monica and chandler’s: chandler comes in, takes the phone and calls Monica]
Chandler: hello… hi jack, this is chandler.
Mr Geller: hello son.
Chandler: hi… dad. Ehm… can I talk to Monica please?
[cut to the Gellers]
Mr Geller: hold on. (to Monica) it’s chandler. You want to talk to him?
Monica: yes. (takes the phone) chandler?
Chandler: Monica, I’m so happy that you talk to me. I’m so sorry! For both of the things!
Monica: what?
Chandler: for the kiss and the letting Wendy call you. This was just so stupid and dumb and I am so sorry! Please forgive me and come home! I love you! I miss you! Please come back! I know I did two terrible things but I --
Monica: shut up chandler.
Chandler: oh no! I am not gonna give up now! I will call you till you listen to me and –
Monica: I am gonna listen to you chandler. But first you listen to me.
Chandler: oh OK.
Monica: these things you did were really… big… big… crap. And you really hurt me!
Chandler: I know! And I’m sorry!
Monica: can I finish?
Chandler: yeah, sure.
Monica: look, when I came into your office and saw you kissing that… bitch, I just thought that this was it. But Ross told me the whole thing and I was going to forgive you. But when she called here, I was like… I don’t know… this was just so typical for you, you know?!
Chandler: I know that too.
Monica: I’m not finished yet! (thinks) well, I am. OK, you go.
Chandler: OK, listen. I am so sorry and I don’t know why I did that. I just would have done anything, anything to explain the kiss. Well, I don’t even know why I actually kissed her… anyway, I am so, so, so sorry …
[cut to the Gellers: Monica is lying on the couch, a bit bored]
Chandler: … what my life would be like without you.
[half an hour later: chandler is still talking, Monica has put the phone on the table and reads a magazine]
Chandler: I mean, I kind of had to taste like it would be like. These three days without you were like hell…
[another half an hour later; Mr Geller comes in, you can here chandler apologising a thousand times]
Mr Geller: still chandler?
Monica: yes
Chandler: … and I told Wendy what she did was really inappropriate…
Mr Geller: inappropriate?? What he hell is he talking about?
Monica: he already said like a million times that he loves me and misses me and that his life without me is nothing compared to the life with me…
[cut to chandler, an hour later]
Chandler: I really don’t know why I did that, but I know that I’m sorry and that I love you and --
[a knock at the door]
Chandler: can you hold on, there is somebody at the door.
[goes to the door and opens it, Monica stand there.]
Chandler: oh my god! Monica! What are you doing here?
Monica: I couldn’t listen to you anymore. So I came back. (goes in)
Chandler: and who was I talking to the whole time?
Monica: I think to my parents. (takes the phone) mum, dad?
Mr and Mrs Geller: yes?
Monica: I’m home, I’ll call you later.
Mrs Geller: OK sweetie!
Mr Geller: bye, we love you.
[Monica hangs up and goes into the kitchen]
Chandler: I’m so happy that you came back, I am so sorry!
Monica: honey, it’s OK now. I listen to that the last two hours!
Chandler: so, everything is fine?
Monica: well, you still kissed another woman…
Chandler: I know and I am unbelievable sorry!
Monica: I was kidding! Not again!
Chandler: (goes next to her and looks in her eyes and takes her hands) when I said at our wedding day that any surprises that will come our way, it was okay, because I love you and always will.
Monica: well, I didn’t know that the surprise would be Wendy, but it is okay now! I forgive you for both!
Chandler: really?
Monica: yes. Good night.
[Monica kisses him on the cheek, they hold on, chandler looks at her and kisses her]
-Ending Credits-
[at Joey’s: Rachel, Joey, phoebe and Ross are there]
[Monica and chandler come in, they are holding hands]
Joey: hey, look who’s there!
Rachel: you made up!
Chandler: yeah sure!
Phoebe: yay!
Monica: yeah, we talked and everything is okay.
Chandler: yes, obviously I do not suck at this… (kisses Monica)
Ross: well, who said that?
Rachel: I didn’t!
Joey + Phoebe: me neither!
-The End-