TOW They All Get Lost opening scene based on 'Will & Grace'
[Rachel & Joey’s, Joey is there]
[the phone rings]
Joey: Hello?
[cut] Ross: Hi, it’s Ross. Listen, what do you think of us having a nice camping trip in the forest together on Sunday?
[cut]Joey: What?
[cut]Ross: Well, I could look for a good spot in the forest where we can spend the night, all of us six together, you know, in the wilderness, all of our own, without any electric stuff.
[cut]Joey: Does that mean I have to wear underwear at night?
[cut] Ross: …um, that is really not my thing to decide .
[cut] Joey: OK, I’m in.
[cut]Ross: Great, could you tell Phoebe and then tell me?
[cut]Joey: Sure, hold the line. [dials]
[cut]Phoebe: Hello? Wait…don’t tell me who it is. Um…Rachel?
[cut]Joey: [changes his voice] no.
[cut]Phoebe: Ross?
[cut]Joey: no.
[cut]Phoebe: Chandler?
[cut]Joey: no.
[cut]Phoebe: Monica?
[cut]Joey: no.
[cut]Phoebe: Joey!
[cut]Joey: [surprised] Yes! How did you know? …Ross asked me to ask you if you would come with us to our camping trip on Sunday, where we sleep in the forest.
[cut]Phoebe: [excited]Oh, yay! Yeah, that would be fun! I’m so there! We can use my grandma’s cab!
[cut]Joey: Great, could you please tell Rachel? I’ll tell Ross that you’re coming. [presses a button] Hey, Ross, Phoebe agreed, now we have one car.
[cut]Ross: OK, I’ll call Chandler.
[cut]Joey: Bye.
[cut]Ross: Bye, Joe. [dials]
[cut]Chandler: Hello?
[cut]Ross: Hi, It’s me. We are having a camping trip in the forest, with spending the night there and all. Are you coming?
[cut]Chandler: Spending the night? But – but the nights in he forest are usually dark and –
[cut]Ross: OK, think about it, I’ll hold the line and call Monica at work. [dials] Hey Mon, I have a question.
[cut]Monica: [With her cell] Go ahead.
[cut]Ross: Are you interested in having a trip in the forest on Sunday and spending a night there?
[cut]Monica: The six of us together?
[cut]Ross: Yeah, are you coming?
[cut]Monica: I could need some vacation – yeah, I’m coming. I’ll bring my car.
[cut]Ross: All right. Now we have two cars and I know that four of us are coming. I’ll ask the rest. Oh, I have another call. Bye, Mon [presses a button] Rachel?
[cut]Rachel: [with her cell] Hi Ross, Joey just told me about the camping thing.
[cut]Ross: So, are you there?
[cut]Rachel: Are you thinking of, like, teaching us about the different kinds of forest mud or is it about us six having fun?!
[cut]Ross: Well, forest flora may- …um, no.
[cut]Rachel: Do I have to pee in the forest? You know that I can’t pee in the forest.
[cut]Ross: No, no, you don’t have to. I mean, it’s just, like, a few days’ walk to your home…
[cut]Rachel: All right, I could make an exception. I’m there. Maybe it’ll be interesting.
[cut]Ross: [excited] And it sure will be! OK, bye! [presses a button, then puts the phone back down]
[cut]Chandler: [on his phone, hears the phone beep] Hello?!
-Opening Credits-
[Sunday morning, outside the Friends’ apartments, everyone except for Phoebe are there, Monica’s car and many bags are there. Rachel wears the big hat she was wearing in “TO At The Beach”]
Chandler: [looking at Rachel’s hat] Well, I don’t wanna disappoint you, but we’re not expecting sunshine in the forest…
Rachel: Well, I just want to… protect myself against giant bugs falling off the trees… And [looking at Ross furiously] why can’t I bring the hat when Ross doesn’t even let us bring cell phones!
Monica: So who’s gonna ride in my car and who’s gonna be with Phoebe?
Ross: [quickly]I’ll go with Monica.
Rachel: [quickly] Me too.
Chandler: Hey, That’s so not fair!
Joey: Yeah! We don’t wanna ride in Phoebe’s car! We don’t want to put ourselves in danger!
Chandler: I think we should solve this fairly… OK, I’ll pick two of us who are gonna go with Monica. J First, me…
Ross: That’s enough, I think Monica should pick two. [turns to Monica]
Monica: Um, Chandler and Rachel.
Ross: WHAT? I’m your brother!
Joey: Hey! Why do you like me less than the others?
Monica: I don’t like you less! I like you guys equally! It’s just that I can only pick two of you!
Joey: That’s not right! You can pick three of us! We are six people, remember? [gestures]Six, divided by two, that’s three!
Ross: [to the others]…just give him a little time.
Joey: [looks confused] Why? …[realising]oh, right! But…there is space for more than three people in a car, so why don’t you pick one more, for example [smiles]me?
Rachel: Oh yeah, then think about what Phoebe would think if Ross is the only one who goes with her? Won’t she feel bad?
[Phoebe’s cab arrives, almost hitting the others]
Joey: We are so dead.
Phoebe: [gets out of the car, looking excited] So, alrighty, let our adventure begin! Who’s gonna ride in my car? [The others look at each other]
Monica: We don’t know yet, um… cause they all want to go with you, and we think you should decide who’s going with you.
Phoebe: Oh, you’re so insensitive! Don’t you care about Monica’s feelings at all? OK, I pick…Rachel and Joey! [Ross and Chandler look happy]
Rachel: [annoyed] All right.
Joey: [annoyed] Fine.
Phoebe: What?
Rachel: …[pretends being excited]Oh yeah, thank God!!!
Joey: [pretends being excited] I love your cab, it has seen so much more of the world than Monica’s …boring…[sadly]Porsche…
Phoebe: Yeah, that’s right, baby!
Ross: So, let’s go then!
Phoebe: OK, put your things in here…
[they put their bags into the cars]
Chandler: [to Monica] Thank you for saving us from Phoebe.
Monica: [amused]Well, you all love me…
Joey: [furiously to Monica] This ain’t over! [Sits down in the cab]
Monica: So, Pheebs, do you know where to go?
Phoebe: [sure of herself] Ya-hah! Sure!
Monica: All right, we can go.
Rachel: [angrily to Ross] I’ll call you if I’m still alive when we arrive at the forest. OH! WAIT A MOMENT! WE DON’T HAVE CELL PHONES!!!
[Phoebe’s cab, on the expressway, Joey and Rachel are sitting in the back because the front seat has no belt]
Rachel: Pheebs, are you sure you’re not a little bit too fast?
Phoebe: I’m sure, even though the speedometer is broken. J [Rachel and Joey both look scared]
Joey: We don’t want you to lose you driver’s license.
Phoebe: Why are you so scared? I can’t lose my driver’s license cause I don’t have one.
Rachel: [shocked] Y-You don’t, um, have a driver’s license?
Phoebe: Why do people always make a big deal of driver’s licenses, anyway? I mean, it’s nothing but a small piece of paper that proves that you know how to drive. J And I’m driving a car right now, doesn’t that prove it, too?
Joey: But a driver’s license is more than just a proof of you knowing how to drive.
Rachel: Yeah, it proves that you took lessons and passed the tests!
Phoebe: I took lessons!
Joey: Who taught you?
Phoebe: My grandma.
Rachel: How many times a month?
Phoebe: How many times a month? [proudly]She taught me once and I learned it within one single day!J
Joey: [to Rachel] I’m too young to die! There are so many girls out there I haven’t slept with, I can’t leave now!
[Monica’s Porsche, on the expressway, Chandler is sitting next to Monica, Ross is sitting in the back]
Monica: Now it’s 3 points for Ross, 1 point for Chandler, and – wohooo – [proudly]20 points for me![she grins]
Chandler: Well, it was pretty unexpected that you spotted that green car with yellow spots…
Monica: Yeah, I have eagle eyes!
Ross: Can’t we play something else—Um, I mean, can’t we stop playing games?
Monica: Why? It’s fun, isn’t it?
Chandler: Oh you call it fun to count the trees we are passing?
Monica: All right! So …how long have we been driving?
Ross: About half an hour, I guess.
Chandler: [bored]Don’t you mean 13 years?
Ross: . I didn’t bring a watch, we aren’t supposed to have watches in the forest, you remember, don’t you?
Chandler: What? We can’t even have a watch when we can bring flashlights?
Ross: [shocked] What, what? You have a flashlight?
Chandler: [lies]…um, no.
Ross: [looks at Chandler] Good for you. You don’t want to ruin our plan to experience life without modern inventions for one day, appreciating the things we have… See, there are peoples in South America who—
Monica: That’s enough, Ross, you don’t want me to fall asleep while I’m driving, do you? And by the way, we’ve been on the road for 36 minutes now, I have a digital clock right here in front of me, which I can’t get rid of unless we walk to the forest. So your plan is already not working any more.
Ross: You’re wrong. The ride doesn’t count! The plan begins the second we get out of our cars.
Chandler: Oh, stop it, Ross, there is no way a bunch of 21st century guys can spend the entire day without [makes quote marks with his fingers]“electrical stuff”.
Ross: There is! I’ll deal with it, and I’ll make sure you all stick to the plan.
Monica: How are you gonna do that?
Ross: I …don’t know yet.
[Phoebe’s cab, on a remote little road]
Rachel: [looks around, sees no trees] No forest in sight.
Joey: We’ve been driving for almost 3 hours now, that can’t be right! And I almost ate everything already!
Phoebe: Don’t panic! We’re almost there.
Joey: But we can’t see any trees yet, just nothing but green meadows since, like, half an hour!
Phoebe: We’re on the right way, I’m sure.
Rachel: [looks at the map, shows it to Phoebe, points at it] Did you take the left or the right road there?
Phoebe: [looks at the map, realises something] …We’re on the wrong way, I’m sure.
[outside the forest, Ross, Monica and Chandler are getting out of the car, taking their stuff out]
Ross: From now on we don’t need any high-tech stuff any more.
Monica: [thinking of something else] Yeah, right… The others aren’t there yet, we have to wait.
Ross: Oh, come on, they know where to go. They’re probably just late because they had to stop cause Joey had to pee or something. Let’s go into the forest now and look for a good spot. Come on.
[they take their stuff and go into the forest]
Chandler: [scared] But we can use flashlights, right? [Ross throws angry looks to Chandler]
[Phoebe’s cab, they have stopped]
Rachel: What do we do now? Can we still go the other way so we can go where the others are?
Phoebe: Well, we can try…
Joey: [desperately]But Phoebe, you have got to go the right way this time, or we’ll run out of fuel for the way back from the forest.
Phoebe: I’m sure we will find them.
Rachel: [threatening]Yeah, you better!
Phoebe: Don’t put me under pressure! What if I smash us against a big tree while you’re threatening me!? … oh right, that can’t happen.
Rachel: Can’t we just go home? I didn’t even want to do that stupid forest trip, you guys just convinced me!
Phoebe: Well, why do you blame us when we can convince you that easily?!
Joey: We can’t go home now, the others are gonna start worrying if we don’t arrive there!
Phoebe: I wanna head towards the forest, too.
Rachel: [gives up] Oh, that sucks!
[in the forest; Monica and Chandler are preparing their tent; Ross arrives with some wood.]
Ross: We can make a nice fire now!
Monica: The other guys haven’t arrived yet. I’m starting to worry.
Chandler: Yeah, me too, what if they are lost?
Ross: They aren’t here yet? Man, that’s weird.
Chandler: We can’t do anything for them, they don’t have cell phones!! [looks angrily at Ross]
Ross: They won’t die out there!! They have their tent, their food and their other stuff…that’s no problem!
Monica: What about Rachel?
Ross: [shocked] Oh my God! I mean, Joey and Phoebe are tough, but Rachel?!
Chandler: What are we gonna do?
Ross: Well, there’s not much we can do, we can’t look for them, they can be anywhere… So there’s nothing left but sticking to our plan [smiles] J and have a nice time.
Monica: [to Chandler] No Mum anywhere, but he still gets his way!
Chandler: What time is it? [Monica and Ross glare at him] … oh right, that’s part of your brilliant plan! [Sits down] So I’m just gonna wait till… [scared] it gets dark…J [looks around desperately]
[Phoebe’s cab, they’re driving, but still no trees]
Rachel: Oh please, Pheebs, please tell me we’re on the right way…
Phoebe: [carefully] Shall I tell you we’re on the right way or the truth?
Joey: [shocked] You mean – do you mean we’re not on the right way?!
Phoebe: You have to be very strong now…
Rachel: [furiously] Phoebe! You told us you were sure that we would find them! You promised!
Phoebe: Technically, I didn’t promise…
Joey: Oh Phoebe!! And now, what are we gonna do now!?
Phoebe: Well…[the car stops] there…is one more thing…
Joey: WHAT!?
Phoebe: We ran out of fuel…
Rachel: WHAT!?
Joey: WHAT!?
Phoebe: I couldn’t see that coming, seriously!
Rachel: [sarcastically] Oh, let me guess, the thing that shows you how much fuel is left is broken, too?!
Phoebe: …yeah!
Joey: So here are the facts…we don’t have any idea where we are…we can neither go forward nor back…the odds are, like, zero that someone comes along the road…we don’t have any cell phones…and we can’t walk cause it’s way to far to the next town or village.
Rachel: [looks at their stuff] And…you ate everything except the bananas!! [Joey looks innocent]
Phoebe: Let’s just get out of the cab and prepare ourselves for the night. [gets out of the car]
Rachel: Oh my God, it can’t get any worse… [gets out of the car]
Phoebe: Don’t be such a baby! It’s not that big a deal!
Rachel: [angrily] Oh, really, it’s not that big a deal? We will have to eat worms and bugs or we’ll die slowly out here!!
Phoebe: Well, there you go, you still have two options!
Joey: [gets out of the car, carrying several bags] You guys, it would be much better if you helped me…
Phoebe: Sorry. [helps Joey]
Rachel: [still angry] So, we’re just gonna live right here in the meadow waiting till somebody stupid enough decides to come along the road?
Joey: Don’t worry, we’re gonna be fine. See, I brought cards, now we can play! [takes a set of poker cards out of his pocket]
Rachel: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, that’ll save us…J
[In front of Monica, Ross & Chandler’s tent, there’s a pile of wood, all three of them are sitting around]
Chandler: What are we waiting for?
Monica: I think we’re waiting for Ross to make a fire.
Chandler: So do you have matches or…
Ross: Are you kidding? We’ll make a fire just like the cavemen did! [grabs two pieces of wood and a bunch of dry grass] See? You have to rub this piece of wood against the other piece…like this.
Monica: [to Chandler] Shall we help him?
Chandler: [to Monica] No.
Monica: [to Chandler] Great, I thought so too.
Chandler: [to Monica] Wanna take off?
Monica: [to Chandler]You bet.
Chandler: Make something up.
Monica: Um, Ross? Chandler and I are gonna look for more wood.
Ross: But there’s enough…all right, you’re not a great help here anyway… When you come back, there’s gonna be a warm, bright fire, made by me [points at himself]
Chandler: [annoyed, to Monica] Who says we’ll come back? [Monica and Chandler stand up]
Ross: Don’t be away too long!!
Chandler: [quietly] Yeah, whatever [Monica and Chandler take off]
Monica: Where are we going?
Chandler: Let that tree over there be our goal, OK? [points into the forest]
Monica: Which tree?
Chandler: I don’t care, just away from Ross!
[noise]
Monica: Wait! I heard something.
Chandler: [scared] What? WHAT!?
Monica: Over there! [pulls Chandler in the direction where the noise came from]
Chandler: I was kinda hoping to go in the other direction…
Monica: Don’t be such a baby! Maybe it’s just a squirrel or something.
Chandler: Oh squirrels! They’re so cute!
[in the meadow; Phoebe, Joey and Rachel have built their tent]
Phoebe: Still no car…
Joey: I’m bored. Why don’t we play poker? I want to win some bucks.
Rachel: Oh yeah? I want to win some fuel.
Joey: I don’t have that…J [Rachel rolls her eyes]
Phoebe: Oh! I know a game!
Rachel: What game?
Phoebe: It’s called [laughs], you know, it’s very funny, the game’s name is [laughs]
Joey: OK, let’s just skip the name. What’s it about?
Phoebe: There are teams – well, we’re just three, so we’ll have three teams of one person [Rachel and Joey nod], and each of us must stand somewhere with a distance of about 6 feet to the others [Rachel and Joey nod again], oh, I forgot to say something, we are naked of course—
Rachel: Veto.
Joey: Veto.
Phoebe: [cranky] Do you have other good ideas?
Rachel: Oh, believe me, all of the good and of the bad ideas are way better than your idea.
Joey: What about Strip-Poker? [Rachel looks disgusted at Joey]
Rachel: …[to Phoebe] Even that is better.
Phoebe: No, I don’t want to play that, that is so different from my game.
Rachel: How about I make a suggestion?
Joey: OK.
Rachel: Let’s chat.
Phoebe: Oh, yay!
Joey: [roll his eyes] What is that? Just talk?
Rachel: Oh yeah. What is so bad about that?
Joey: Well, it’s probably a girlie thing…
Phoebe: Girlie?
Joey: Don’t you know that guys don’t have fun with that?
Rachel: Seems like I have to teach you the same lesson like I taught Ross. You guys are missing so much. Sharing is important.
Phoebe: And it’s a great feeling to know that someone else is having the same troubles.
Joey: Oh no, troubles? We’re not talking about troubles, are we?
Rachel: Let’s start with something easy. What did you do yesterday?
Joey: Let me think. OK, I got up…[gestures with his hands]…had breakfast…had first lunch……had second lunch…then I had sex…[Rachel and Phoebe look at each other] went to work…had dinner…went to sleep. Wait a second [thinks] I had sex after work. [thinks] No, no, before work. …Or was it after work?
Rachel: [sarcastically]Who would possibly remember such a thing?
Joey: Definitely not me!
Phoebe: OK, now we have to narrow it down. Tell me particularly about the sex part…
Rachel: Phoebe!!!…Well, all right. J [Rachel and Phoebe look at Joey]
Joey: Really? I mean, it’s kinda private…
Phoebe: We talk about it all the time. And we’re sure you want to tell us about it.
Joey: [smiles] You know me very well! J So, I met this girl…
[In front of Monica, Ross and Chandler’s tent, Only Ross is there, trying to make a fire]
[Ross has still not make a fire, it’s getting dark. Ross looks around, as he sees that no one’s there, he grabs a matchbox, takes out a match and lights the wood]
Ross: No one has to know that…
[deep in the forest, Monica and Chandler look disappointed]
Chandler: No squirrel anymore.
Monica: Want to go back?
Chandler: No!! J
Monica: It’s gonna be dark in half an hour.
Chandler: We’re going back. [pulls Monica in one direction]
Monica: Hold on! We have to go there. [points in the other direction.]
Chandler: You’re sure?
Monica: Yeah, of course! …Actually, no.
Chandler: Oh my God
Monica: Don’t be such a baby, it could be worse.
Chandler: [upset]Worse? I’ll tell you the only things that are worse! There’s death, and …broken bones, disease, divorce, losing all of your money…and never doing it again!
Monica: I’m sorry!!
Chandler: [upset] I can’t believe it. I’m lost in the forest.
Monica: I want to make it up to you. [smiles] How about I prove you wrong about the “Never doing it again” part? [puts her arms around Chandlers neck]
Chandler: [happily] I can’t believe it! I’m lost in the forest having sex!!!
Monica: [to herself] The most effective weapon of a woman.
Commercial break
[in the meadow again]
Rachel: [disgusted] Eww! Why are you telling us these… things?J
Phoebe: [disgusted] Yeah! Did we do something to you? Do you hate us? Why do you hate us?
Joey: Have I gone too far?
Phoebe: Too far? Um, how do I explain? You have gone so far that I can’t see you clearly any more!
Joey: That far?
Rachel: We do tell each other everything but such details are something we prefer to leave out.
Joey: I’m sorry, I wanted to play Strip-Poker.
Phoebe: [Looks around] It’s getting dark.
Rachel: I wish we had lights.
Phoebe: Hey! We can sit in the car!
Joey: And where are we gonna sleep?
[long pause]
Joey + Rachel + Phoebe: [together] I’ll sleep in the car!!!
Rachel: [to Phoebe]Wait! Why you?
Phoebe: [to Rachel]Why you?
Joey: I guess we figured out it’s me. [goes over to the cab]
Rachel: [pulls Joey back] No, we haven’t figured it out! Who has the best reason?
Phoebe: It’s my car!
Joey: I sleep the longest of you guys! [Phoebe and Joey both look at Rachel, expecting her to say something]
Rachel: Um, I… I have a serious …bug phobia?
Phoebe: Look, you guys. There’s clearly just enough space for one person in the car to sleep. Oh, wait…my grandma’s in there, too…I mean, just ashes, but still…
Rachel: I’ll sleep in the tent!
Joey: Me too. I’ll sleep with Rachel. [Rachel looks disgusted at Joey]
Phoebe: [grins] Oh, did you hear that? I’ll let you guys alone. J [goes over to the cab]
Rachel: No! Wait! It’s still seven o’clock. Let’s have dinner first.
Joey: How do you know…hoh!!!! [upset]Do you have a…do you have a watch?
Rachel: [indifferently] So what, Ross is not even here!!
Joey: [indifferently]Oh right. J
Phoebe: I don’t want to disappoint you, but I think we’re gonna have a pretty banana-y dinner.
Rachel: Damn, Joey! Why did you have to eat all the stuff ?!
Joey: I didn’t eat all the stuff! We still have the bananas! [Rachel and Phoebe roll their eyes]
[The other tent, Ross is still alone at the fire]
Ross: I wonder what Monica and Chandler are doing… [looks around] It’s getting dark. What time is it? [looks around again, he sees that no one’s there. He reaches in his jacket pocket and takes out a watch] seven o’clock… That’s great. Now I’m talking to myself.
[Somewhere in the forest; Monica and Chandler come along; one of Monica’s shirt’s buttons is done wrong; they both have a weird expression on their faces]
Monica: Wow…that was new…
Chandler: …Yeah. And the forest dirt sure made it fun…
Monica: The ants and the bugs were also fun.
Chandler: [grinning] I don’t regret it, do you?
Monica: [also grinning] Me neither.
Chandler: And if Ross asks, just say I had to wait for you to get you hair off a tree’s branch.
Monica: If someone had to wait, I think it should be me waiting for you! [Chandler’s grinning fades away]
Chandler: How are we supposed to find Ross, anyway?
Monica: I don’t know. But I do know that you can’t yell at me, because I already paid you back.J
Chandler: Looking for our tent is not getting easier when it’s completely dark.
Monica: Don’t worry. [reaches in her pocket and takes out a flashlight]
Chandler: [Happily]Yeah! You are so bad. [grins]
Monica: But I only have one pair of batteries.
Chandler: That should be enough. Now we have to find him, I’m starving.
Monica: Let’s scream, maybe he can hear us. [screams very loudly] Rooooooooooooooooooss!!!!
Chandler: Be careful, your head just almost explode.
Monica: I hear nothing. Let’s just keep going.
Chandler: [ironically]All right, with pleasure, we almost never do that.
[in Phoebe, Joey and Rachel’s tent, Joey and Rachel lie there, Joey snores, Rachel tries to fall asleep]
Joey: [loudly] rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrchuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrchuuuuuuuuuuuu…..
Rachel: [looks annoyed, turns over and over, then gets up and out of the tent, to the cab, and opens the back door]
Phoebe: [wakes up, scared] Oh no!! A demon!! A killer bear!!! A monster!!!
Rachel: No, no, Phoebe, it’s me!
Phoebe: [confused] Who?
Rachel: It’s me. Rachel.
Phoebe: What are you doing !?
Rachel: I can’t sleep, Joey snores all the time.
Phoebe: Oh! …OK, fine. You can sleep in the cab. [sits up]
Rachel: No, that’s not the point, how can I stop him?
Phoebe: What, you never dated a guy who snores?
Rachel: Well, …no.
Phoebe: Lucky you. OK, listen…you have to turn him around, then he will stop snoring.
Rachel: Really? That easy? Thanks, Pheebs. And sorry for waking you up.
Phoebe: No problem. Good night.
Rachel: Good night. [she wants to close the door, but then opens it again and points under the front seat where a box is] So that’s you grandma, I guess.
Phoebe: Yeah!! Oh, wanna say hello?J
Rachel: Oh, really, no.
Phoebe: Come on, she’d appreciate that. Just say hello.
Rachel: O…OK. Um, hi. Are you doing, um, well under the front seat?J
Phoebe: [translates] Yeah, she really enjoys all the rides.
Rachel: Well, I’ll go then. Bye. Wish you a great ash life.
Phoebe: There you go! So, good night, Rachel.
Rachel: OK, bye. [goes over to Joey]
[At the fire, Ross tries to read a book, but the fire isn’t bright enough]
Ross: Oh, who cares. [takes out a flashlight and turns it on]J
[somewhere in the forest, Monica and Chandler walk around the desperately with the flashlight]
Chandler: I’m tired. I’m hungry. I wanna go home.
Monica: It’s two o’clock in the morning.
Chandler: [surprised] You…you have a watch?
Monica: Yeah. So?
Chandler: And you also have a torch.
Monica: Yes.
Chandler: Any chance you have two bikes in your pocket?
Monica: Hey! Look at that! [points somewhere]
Chandler: What?
Monica. Do you see the light? Looks like a fire!!
Chandler: [looks] You’re right! Rooooss!!!
Monica: [screams] Roooooss!!!!
Voice: Monica? [Monica and Chandler start to run towards the fire, until they see Ross and the tent]
Chandler: We found it!!
Ross: [happily] Oh, you guys, I was so worried!! Where were you?? [hugs Monica] [Chandler wants to say something]
Monica: [quickly] I had to wait for Chandler to get his hair out of a tree’s branch.
Ross: [confused] What?
Monica: [to herself] I wished I’d thought that through…
Ross: Wait… What did you really do?
Chandler: [quickly] Is that a flashlight!?
Ross: [embarrassed] Oh! Um, well, that depends on…um, OK!!! It is a flashlight!! I also brought a watch, a cell phone and this fire here is lit by a match!!! J You happy now? I screwed up my own plan!!
Monica: You mean you brought a cell phone and I brought one too [takes out her cell phone] and we walked around in the forest for about seven hours looking for you!?
Chandler + Ross: [together] YOU BROUGHT A CELL PHONE??!!
Ross: And how do you know that you have been looking for me for seven hours? Do you have a watch!?
Monica: Yeah!
Ross: A watch!? Shame on you!! [realises something] And by the way, shame on me, too…
Chandler: You mean, we could have avoided all this!?
Monica: Oh no! The others! Ross, call the others!
Ross: How do you know they also have cell phones? [Monica looks at him angrily] OK, I’ll call’em…
[in the tent, Joey is still snoring]
Rachel: So, time to turn you around…[turns Joey around carefully]
Joey: [wakes up, scared] Oh no!! A demon!! A killer bear!!! A monster!!!
Rachel: Have you guys all become insane?
Joey: Oh, it’s you. What are you doing?
Rachel: You were snoring, and I tried to turn you around.
Joey: Oh, right, I could’ve thought of that, girls do that all the time with me… What time is it?
Rachel: 2:13.
Joey: Really? Feels like it’s 2:09.
Rachel: OK, please sleep the other way up, I haven’t slept a second yet because of your snoring.
Joey: Oh, I’m sorry. That bad?
Rachel: Well, at least you can give me the feeling that I’m actually in the forest…
Joey: Sorry, I’ll try to stop.
Rachel: Thanks. Good night.
Joey: The bananas just really freaked me out…[looks disgusted]J
[At the fire, Ross hangs up]
Ross: No one of them answered their cells, and they aren’t at home either…
Monica: Oh great. Who knows where they are?
Chandler: They’re going to be all right, I’m sure. You have something to eat?
Ross: Yeah, I have plenty of steaks and sausages left. Here [hands Chandler and Monica some food]
Monica: [shoves a lot of sausages into her mouth] Oh yeah! The last time I was so hungry was when I was young…I don’t care if this makes me fat again!J
Chandler: [upset]But I care!!! [Monica looks at him reproachfully] Um, I mean, I don’t care either. J
[the next morning, Joey, Phoebe and Rachel are up. ]
Rachel: So, we spent one night out here, we didn’t have breakfast, and I’m not gonna survive another day!!
Joey: Calm down! I’m sure somebody will come along the road…
Rachel: Oh please, no one has come along for almost a day!
Phoebe: So did you sleep well?
Rachel: Well, after six hours I gave up trying…J
Joey: Rachel kept waking me up! J
Phoebe: [smiles] Oh, that’s sad. But I slept very well. J [Rachel and Joey look angry]
[silence]
Joey: What now?J
Rachel: [upset] Ohhhh, I can’t believe this! I shouldn’t have even come here!!
Phoebe: Don’t worry, someone’s gonna pick us up!
Rachel: [madly] SOMEONE’S GONNA PICK US UP!!?? PHEEBS, WE ARE IN A MEADOW THAT NO CRAPPY CAR HAS PASSED EVER, WE WILL NEVER GET OUTTA HERE! THANKS TO YOU!! [They see a car coming] [happily] We will get outta here!!!
Joey: [happily] Hey, that’s a Porsche!
Rachel: Oh no I can’t believe it…
Phoebe: It’s the others. Hey! [runs onto the street]
[The Porsche stops, Ross, Chandler and Monica get out]
Monica: Oh my God, you guys, we were so worried!! [hugs Phoebe]
Chandler: You were here the entire time? [hugs Joey]
Ross: [to Rachel]And you’re still alive! [hugs her, Rachel looks confused]
Rachel: [relieved]Oh guys, I can’t believe you went along all the roads to find us!
Monica: [confused]We didn’t go along all the roads. This is the same way we went to the forest! It’s about 5 miles from here! [points in the direction behind her]
Joey: Are you saying, if we just would have gone on for a few minutes, we would have found you?
Monica: Yeah.
[Rachel, Joey and Phoebe look madly at each other ]
Chandler: What?
Phoebe: [indifferently]Oh, nothing, it’s just that we didn’t find a way to the forest or a way back and we were stuck here all day waiting for death to come to us…J
Ross: [surprised] Really? Oh, that sucks, but you know, we were trying to reach you!
Rachel: How?
Ross: Oh, it’s a long story. It turned out that two of us – and I don’t want to say names - J actually had cell phones. [Chandler and Monica roll their eyes]
Rachel: I wished I brought one if I knew that Monica and Chandler brought cells….
Monica: Actually, it’s me and Ross who had the cells.
[Rachel, Phoebe and Joey look at Ross ]
Ross: [embarrassed] Um, thanks, my dear sister…
Chandler: All right, if we are all making these confessions…[takes out his cell phone]
The Others: Whhooooo!!!!J
-Ending credits-
[in the Central Perk, they’re all there]
Rachel: I wanna make this clear: Never ever take us to the forest again.
Ross: That’s too bad. I really thought it would be fun.
Phoebe: Why wasn’t it fun? I thought it was fun! [Rachel and Joey look angrily at her]
Ross: How about we do it again?
Rachel: No!
Phoebe: Yay!
Monica: [looks at Chandler, grinning] Wanna come, too?
Chandler: [grins back] You bet!
Joey: I thinks it has a certain kick. I’d like to have that again. [Rachel is angry] What’s that thing called again? Amedraline?
Ross: Um, Adrenaline.
Joey: Potato, Potahtoe. [Phoebe smiles and gives Joey the thumb-up-sign]
Rachel: I can’t believe it, you really want to do that again? I’ve had enough.
Joey: Well, you don’t have the chance to do it in the forest. [looks at Chandler]
Rachel: What!?
Ross: You did it in the forest?
Phoebe: Oh, that is so…brilliant!
[Monica looks embarrassed, Chandler looks angrily at Ross]
Joey: Um, that supposed to a be secret, right?
-The End-